it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
