Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
