so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
