He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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