When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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