I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
