woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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