Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
