you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
