My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
