he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
