Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
