my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
