Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
