WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
