I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
