Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
