He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
