I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize