I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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