if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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