There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
