then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
