Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
