I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
