I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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