This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He shit in the fireplace
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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