I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
