Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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