She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
