There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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