I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
