im six kinds of drunk right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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