My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
