Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
