you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
