Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
