508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
