I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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