She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You made out with two different species that night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
