Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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