I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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