I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
