Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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