You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
