a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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