My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
