you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
