Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
