So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
