This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
