i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
