Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Randomize
