Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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