Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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