Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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