I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize