I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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