SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
