omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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