Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is Oprah even human
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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