I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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