i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
