Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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