she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Drake has all the answers
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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