just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
