Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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