Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize