Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
