it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what day is it and did you see me today?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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