like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
